I decided to go downstairs and look out the window in hopes of seeing a deer or moose in the yard. I didn’t.
I sat in my rocking chair and listened to the dawn chorus while imprinting the stillness between darkness and daybreak. After about thirty minutes I rejected the idea of coffee, returned to my bed and slept until about eight o’clock.
When I awoke the second time it felt more like an ordinary day, even though I know that no two days are alike. Everything is transitioning. I sense a sort of pull and rise to a higher vibrational level. I am somewhat restless, but more confident than I have ever been and at a time when an earlier version of me would be in a panic.
I finally have the courage to completely release what does not align with my higher souled aspirations or intentions. I held on tightly to that which was a vexation of spirit and did so because I believed that I needed to for a weekly pay check. Of course being financially secure is important, but at what cost? There is no room for the new when the old bulges at the seams.
I struggled with this conflict for the past few years – you know when days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years sort of thing? The logic is right there. The question begs to be asked. What’s the worst thing that can happen? There should be a rule with that question and that is when you come up with an answer, that you believe it. Otherwise what’s the point of going there?
I realized that although it isn’t the worst thing, (we all know that things can worsen)…being stuck was ickiness in the height of its glory. It sucked. I dreaded the days of being confined. I tried to alter my perception, discover meaning in my work, love unconditionally and release everything.
Usually when I refer to God or the Creator, I think of Sophia…the feminine face of God. Over the years, Sophia nudged me repeatedly, giving me bold, clear signs to leave. Sometimes I remember thinking that if the signs were any more obvious; I would be struck by lightening. She wanted me to leave and we both knew that I did not belong there. Well, sort of. I did belong there, at least until the point when I finally left, because there was something left to learn.
Nothing happens by accident. In the face of dishonor, hostility and unwarranted stress, I reached deep into my reserves and carried on with grace. This is not the first time I have made this choice and it is the correct one. I often wondered how I would manage to sustain this. It helped to meditate in the morning and sometimes on the way home from work it got to the point where I gave a primal scream, which cleared my head. I knew it could not go on.
I am grateful that Sophia followed through with Her plan and that was to release me or for ‘me to release me’ from my version of Hell. Enough is enough. Salvation waits patiently.
My gift is having the freedom to follow my path in peace. I am grateful for the amazing opportunity to be in nature every day, honoring and working in the earth. I am grateful for the act of creating and trusting the ultimate universe.
I have had a wonderful spring and early summer in the wild. Today I sat in a field of white clover with a multitude of bees dancing atop creamy pink blossoms, surrounded by Elderberry and pink and white Aster. I am thankful to be amongst and witness these harmonies and celebrate.
I am especially pleased that the Asters are so plentiful. Many of them are taller than me (5' 4"). I have been harvesting pink and white Yarrow, along with Ladies Mantle and many others.
I got an email from Shelby letting me know that he arrived safely in Vienna at yes, you guessed; 4:35 am. At least I know why I was up at that hour for what seemed random at the time.
Hearing from Anna and Miles matters most on this day. They called within minutes of each other, both being over 3,000 miles away. The umbilical cord is not severed, it continued to grow. Oh to be a mother.
I heard from my sisters via various means. We are so different. I am the quintessential Earth child, while my sisters are considered somewhat 'normal' and mainstream. They are more like soccer moms and I homeschooled and raised my children singlehandedly on a small farm while we hiked, canoed and snow shoed during the day and played music together at night. In some families this situation would be the elephant in the corner of the room, but in my family we have always acknowledged this vast difference. My mother often laughs when she says; Maryjane marches to the beat of a different drum. I respond, You mean I’m an artist? (smile).
My mother called me and we talked about lots of little things, like why the squash plants were growing nicely and then are suddenly rotting on the ends, how her computer won’t download Adobe, my thoughts on Obamacare and politics in general, and what time of day I was born.
My dear friend whom I refer to as my Southern Sister and her husband sent me a package that I received last Wednesday. I waited until today to open it. I’m a stickler about waiting to open gifts until the appropriate day. She gave me an antique maple syrup tin that is shaped like a log cabin. I flipped it over to read that it was from a company in a small town in Vermont that I am not going to mention because it is where the “Medicine Caves” are located. It is not a tourist attraction, quite the contrary. It is the region where my Abenaki ancestors are from. She discovered this tin in an antiques shop in Austin Texas. Synchronicity. And she gave me a cute little tea pot with Red Peppermint Rooibos tea, which I thoroughly enjoy. (I am sipping a cup right now).
So if this is the end of my journal entry, it is because nothing else worth mentioning happened as of yet, but it is still early. I will go for a walk (barefoot) in a bit as the sun is slowly sinking and it is cooling off. I might have to water my (newly planted) calendula and sage. Everything is thriving from all of the rain that we had in the past week. Today I prefer to view a lush and healthy landscape in innocence and ignore the steady onslaught of chemtrails in the skies overhead.
During my walk, I will have a visit with the great White Pines and sit on the Prayer Rock and give thanks for all of my blessings.
The moon is bright and yellow and almost full. Fireflies are gracing the trees, grasses and reeds by the pond.
Everything is coming into sharp focus.
Journal: Marigold
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